Ep 167: Navigating Pregnancy and Parenthood as a Transgender Man: A Conversation with Trystan Reese
Fertility Forward Episode 167:
Joining us on the Fertility Forward podcast today is Trystan Reese, an award-winning author, facilitator, and longtime advocate for diversity, equity, and inclusion with nearly two decades of experience in the trans community. Trystan is the author of the acclaimed memoir How We Do Family (2021) and co-author of the children’s book The Light of You, written with his partner, Biff Chaplow. A Lambda Literary Fellow, Trystan first captured national attention with his viral storytelling performance on The Moth’s mainstage. He is also the founder of Collaborate Consulting, LLC, where he leads training on LGBTQ+ inclusion, and his work has been featured in multiple anthologies focused on mental health and social justice. In today’s conversation, Trystan shares his powerful story of navigating pregnancy as a transgender man. He reflects on how he researched and prepared for the experience, offers thoughts on current “best practices” around hormones and gestational care, and unpacks both internal and systemic barriers to trans-inclusive fertility support. Most importantly, he leaves listeners with a message of hope, resilience, and deep wisdom. Don’t miss this inspiring and eye-opening episode, tune in now!
Rena: Hi everyone. We are Rena and Dara and welcome to Fertility Forward. We are part of the wellness team at RMA of New York, a fertility clinic affiliated with Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City. Our Fertility Forward Podcast brings together advice from medical professionals, mental health specialists, wellness experts, and patients because knowledge is power and you are your own best advocate.
We are so excited to welcome to Fertility Forward today. Trystan Reese, who is an award-winning author and facilitator dedicated to diversity, equity, and inclusion with nearly two decades of experience in the trans community. His acclaimed book, How We Do Family, was released in 2021 and he co-authored the children's book, The Light of You with his partner Biff Chaplow. A Lambda literary fellow, Trystan's Storytelling gained attention through a viral performance on the Moth main stage featured in the 2024 anthology, A point of Beauty. He founded Collaborate Consulting to provide training on lgbtq plus inclusion and has contributed to various anthologies on mental health and social justice. Trystan lives in Portland, Oregon with Biff and their three children, Riley, Sully, and Leo. Yay! What a bio. Thank you so much for coming on.
Trystan: It's so long I did not write that!
Dara: It’s beautiful!
Rena: It’s amazing! What accomplishments
Dara: You've written two books? That's and and I didn't realize you live in, in Oregon. Yeah, I love Oregon. It's one of my favorite places.
Dara: Yeah, same.
Rena: Well hopefully it's sunny there today.
Trystan: It's rainy and gloomy. The stereotype holds. Okay.
Rena: Okay. I was gonna say it sounds par for the course
Dara: When I was there. It was beautiful there was, went to like wine country and it was glorious, but I guess it was probably further along in the summer.
Trystan: Yeah, it's gorgeous in the summer here. Summer here. Yeah.
Rena: Well thank you so much for coming on. We're so excited to have you share your incredible story and journey and expertise. So where should we start?
Trystan: Well, you tell me it's your show!
Rena: I know there's so many angles we could, well, I mean, do you wanna tell us first about your book or maybe first how you got to be writing the book?
Trystan: Sure, yeah. Oh man. Well, you know, my partner and I became overnight parents to my partner's niece and nephew. This is actually not uncommon in the LGBTQ+ community as someone who's a nerd about family building and our community and our sort of unique paths to parenthood. It makes logical sense if you think about it for a second. Because, you know, if an existing or a first family structure starts to break down and kids do need a safe place to go, who is commonly the relative that isn't married yet, that doesn't already have their own kids? Often it's the gay uncle and that was us. We were the gay uncles. Everyone else had kids. They already had their system set up. They really didn't have any room, you know, to be able to provide a, a safe loving environment for these two really little kids. They were one in three when they came to live with us. And so one year into our relationship we became parents to two very small children. And once, once that all settled down, the adoption and everything, I was curious about growing our family and like most transgender people, when I thought about that, I realized pretty early on that if we had a biological kid that I gave birth to myself as a transgender man that was, would actually be the most easy and straightforward and cheapest way to have a baby. Which is kind of like the opposite, I know, of a lot of heterosexual couples where they're like, we could just DIY it and I'm like, yes, you could. So that's, that is what we did. So a fertility process was most straightforward for us and so that's, that's what we did.
Rena: Wow. I mean, how, how was that and where were you sort of in your process and then did you have to kind of backtrack with hormones?
Trystan: Yeah, so I had been on testosterone for over 10 years at that point, which is not uncommon for transgender men or you know, non-binary people assigned female at birth. In a lot of the studies that we have, the medical studies, there's a good representation of trans folks who've been on testosterone for at least 10 years. And the data shows that as long as you stop taking your testosterone, regain your cycle, that the rates of conception times to conception, pregnancy experiences, medically speaking, as well as labor and delivery experiences and outcomes are identical to others with our same demographic traits. You know, like age, BMI, those kinds of things, socioeconomic, yeah. Which means that we're not immune from some of the other fertility challenges that other people might have, but it also means that we don't have any unique ones that are different from our non-transgender or cisgender counterparts in the fertility space. So yeah, I did have to go on my off of testosterone, which I'd been on for a very long time, but most of the secondary changes from testosterone don't ever go back. So like my beard didn't fall out, my voice didn't radically change, nothing like that. But I was able to regain an ovulatory and menstrual cycle when I was able to conceive and carry our son Leo.
Rena: Wow. Were you nervous or had you sort of mentally prepared for this and made the choice and so you had sort of accepted it and said, okay, this just gonna be what it is?
Trystan: I mean, who has ever really prepared for pregnancy? People, anyone who's been pregnant is like, oh yeah, I was prepared and I was like not prepared at all. And so…
Dara: I was gonna ask, was this something that was on your mind for a while and did you do research or was this something where you asked around in your community to find the right resources?
Trystan: Yeah, both. And so it had been, it's been, my friend Matt had gave birth to his son Blake, I think 22. I think she actually, maybe Blake just turned 23. So it's been, you know, it is very, this is like a well-worn path in the trans community. It hasn't quite made its way into even the fertility mainstream. It's, it's still a little bit more, I won't say taboo or hush hush 'cause I don't think there's a stigma there. It's just not really examined very much. You know, we are a small segment of the fertility market for sure. And so, you know, I think there's just not as much attention paid. So I knew it was possible. I know Matt, I know Blake, or at least I knew Blake when he was little, he wouldn't remember me now that he's grown, but hundreds, maybe thousands of transgender men all over the world have been giving birth for over 20 years. And so I absolutely knew it was possible, but I never wanted to have a baby. I never wanted to be a parent, period. But it was one of those things where once we had started parenting and I realized, yes, it's very, very hard. It's also really rewarding. And not to brag, but my partner's a really incredible parent. And I, I felt like we still had more to give to a family. And we wanted to do it on a little bit more on our own terms and a little bit less from that origination of surprise for all of us, including the kids and trauma for all of us, especially the kids. So, so yeah, I knew it was possible. I wasn't sure about the data and I'm a big nerd. And now obviously, like I'm one of the leading speakers in the world on trans fertility. So I've really taken that way too far. And so I did, I dug into all the data. I found every study I could possibly find on transgender fertility and pregnancy around the globe. I read all of it cover to cover, so to speak. In some cases it was written in such advanced medical and research language that I was like, I don't know what this means. And I would literally Google the researcher’s name, try to find an email address, and then send them an email being like, Hey, like, can you explain your study to me as if I am five 'cause I'm trying to figure out like what's the cost benefit analysis of having a baby if you're a transgender man. Can you just like break it down for me? So yeah, so I nerded out on all of that and I could not find a single shred of evidence saying that there's anything risky at all about transgender pregnancy. In fact, every study that's ever been published is like, no, this is, this is fine. A uterus is a uterus, eggs are eggs. Testosterone doesn't really impact those over the medium or long term as far as we know. So perfectly safe, perfectly advisable, perfectly healthy. And so I proceeded with my process.
Dara: Wait, did that author get back to you and did they explain it to you in layman's terms?
Trystan: Oh yeah. I mean I've built an entire online ecosystem dedicated to this now where absolutely researchers would love to like scratch away all of the inaccessible language and get they, you typically love that practice of like, okay, so if there are 10 transgender people, eight of them could get pregnant on the first try. Of those eight... You know, they like breaking it down. It's, it's a fun challenge for them. I think they don't wanna have to talk about spermatogenesis all the time! You know, they wanna make it a little simpler and more accessible. But I, it's also frustrating for me 'cause I'm like, if the average trans person can’t understand your study, then like, who is it for? Why did you do it if not for us? You know? So I do get a little bit frustrated, but also that's a part of what I like doing. So I, that's how I solved that problem.
Rena: I think that's amazing. And I think that's more of what this community, and by that I mean just sort of the broader scope of fertility and fertility in general. Because I think patients, no matter how you present as a patient, people get so confused, right? That you dive into the research you wanna understand about yourself. And, and at baseline people just wanna know, am I gonna have success?
Trystan: Yeah. And bless their hearts, the doctors who are great clinicians are aren't always the best communicators. And they also have, you know, they have such strong professional ethics. They can't say, yes, you'll be successful, or no, you won’t, you know, they, they can't. But for me as a community educator, as a sort of translator, I can say, largely speaking, blank. You know, I can make a little bit more sweeping generalizations based on the data than they can. And also like, I just have a deep and profound love for trans people. And so I never wanna give misinformation. And online there is a lot of misinformation. Someone will say, like, oh, you can just try this. Like, what could it hurt? I'm like, oh my God, it could hurt the baby! It could hurt you! Please don't say that! So I wanna be like as accessible so people understand what I'm saying and what's a good idea and what's less good idea.
Rena: Yeah, I love that. It sounds like, I mean, you're such a powerhouse and so needed and that for you, what was really important was community. And so you, you didn't feel nervous or you know, what are people gonna think or how am I gonna do this? Because you already had examples, you had people to look to and that was really important.
Trystan: That's true and not true. You know, I wasn't scared. I wasn't worried about how people were gonna perceive me and like, I definitely should have been. And I definitely experienced a lot of transphobic backlash online mostly. And that was really hard for me. I'm, I really thought that I was grown and resilient and had a thick skin. And those first two things are definitely true. The third is not true at all. I am very tender. And so that was extraordinarily difficult to go through that process.
Rena: I can’t imagine. I mean, that's horrible and so brave of you to, to put your story out though, because I would imagine for as many people that hurt you, you helped probably so many people.
Trystan: Yeah, it was really, you know, I, I don't think it was brave bravery. I think it was just pure and simple naivete. Like absolutely. I, I thought that people were gonna be like, this is amazing - two men can have a baby, you know? And some people did and that was great. But yeah, there was a lot of pushback largely from people who didn't understand. But then there was obviously a small majority of people who are just really jealous of the liberation that trans people have found. It hits a really deep and painful spot for them, and they're acting out of that pain. And it's really hard to be the target of, of an immense amount of pain in somebody else's heart.
Rena: Yeah. But yet it sounds like, I mean, you're still here, you're still using your voice, you're still speaking out.
Trystan: Yeah. I feel like I don't have a choice, but really it's just 'cause I, you know, I just, I love trans people so much. I'm doing it for us. I'm doing it for them, you know, and those like occasional messages I get from people who are like, I never thought I could be a parent and you know, now I'm having my second kid that, that's really exciting for me. That's what I'm here for. And it's just trying to slog through all the transphobia to do the work is, is pretty much the goal.
Rena: Yeah. In terms of fertility care, what would you say, if any, like, steps need to be taken for trans inclusion?
Trystan: Yeah, so like, this is a big part of the work I do that I love doing is working with fertility clinics and centers to help them understand that. And there's really, I would say, three big pieces. The first is the clinical, because even though there's all this data on best practices around transgender fertility, transgender pregnancy specifically, it doesn't always trickle out and down into the clinical practices and all the support people. And so that's one of the big ones. You know, the top line item is as far as we know, testosterone does not cause medium or long-term infertility. It does not cause sterility. And I was told that it did, but I'm, I'm a dinosaur in trans years. I transitioned 20 years ago, but I still get DMs from young trans people saying, my doctor told me that if I took testosterone it would make me sterile. Is that true? And I'm like, no. And I don't know why they're saying that. There's no data to suggest that. So I think that's the big, the big headline there is is that testosterone is a dose dependent, ovulation suppressant. Fancy word for, if you take it as intended, it should stop ovulation. That doesn't always happen, of course not. But it's, it's a little bit like hormonal birth control - puts a pause on the factory and then once you stop taking it, the egg maturation system begins again. So yeah, that's the big one. The second piece is really around that human piece. You know, is have you really thought about any bias you might not be aware of about transgender people? Any assumptions you might have? So when they come into your office, you're, like, nice and neutral, nice and welcoming. You're gonna ask questions that aren't rooted in any kind of stereotype. And there's a lot of ways to do that. And then the third piece is around those systems. I don't know, like, I can't think of any other industry that is quite as gendered as the fertility industry. It is really gendered, no offense! And so it's just making sure that the intake forms work for everyone you might be seeing, any patient you might see that the office is a welcoming place for us. That your web materials are, you know, and so those are kind of the three places that I usually go when I'm working with clinics and centers.
Rena: Okay. And what about the impact of HRT on trans fertility?
Trystan: Yeah, so as I just mentioned, testosterone does stop ovulation. Again, if you're taking it the right way and it's being managed well. And so when you stop taking it, there's actually no best practices for like how long to wait. It's actually not dissimilar to how historically speaking, if you had a miscarriage, they would say, well, you know, wait for three normal quote unquote cycles and then start again. And now they're like, I don't, I don't think that's science. I don't think you need to do that. Similarly, we don't have best practices around you stop your, you stop testosterone. Do you need to wait? We don't know. Yeah. And so typically people might say, wait until you've had a couple normal quote unquote cycles. Again, that's an estimate or a guess. We don't really know. There's not a lot of data on like, how long do you need to wait for your uterus to become a habitable environment for a potential fetus? We don't know. So yeah, but typically speaking, the data shows that within six months most trans people who have stopped testosterone and are trying to conceive, have conceived. And so if you have not conceived within six months after stopping a testosterone, it's probably not the testosterone. There's something else going on. There's a secondary issue. And so typically after six months, I'm like, yeah, you go see someone, it might be blocked tubes, fibroids, PCOS, it could be any underlying condition that anybody else might have. And the reason it's so important is because being off of hormones, for most of us, it's challenging. It, it sucks if I can speak plainly, you know, so that's where I'm trying to come up with best practices from the data is to keep people off hormones for like a short a time as possible. So you could do the process, go back on your hormones and live out the rest of your happy life.
Rena: After giving birth, like how soon after could you then go back on your regimen?
Trystan: Same thing. There's no best practices. So we have some guesses. So for example, if you've had a cesarean birth, the, the loose working recommendation right now is go back on testosterone as early as you want to, right? Because testosterone actually does promote the healing process. It, it increases the production of red blood cells, which can help with healing from a cesarean birth. It's just a recommendation based on like what we know about these processes. There isn't any like specific studies, but you know, if you've had a vaginal birth or a genital birth, it is recommended that you go ahead and wait because the, that like rush, the postpartum, like the perinatal mood disorders are driven by like, just like a lot of estrogen being dumped into your system because your body's desperately trying to heal all those wet tissues. Like we squeezed a human being out of there, you know, the body's trying to take care of us. And so there's reason to believe that those hormones are pretty instrumental in the healing process. So you should maybe wait again, there's no like clinical studies on this, it's just based on what we know the hormones do in the postpartum period. The only, like the third variable is around like, do you plan to nurse your baby using your body? In which case you need to, you need to postpone going back on testosterone. 'cause That early milk production, it's hormonally dependent. It's another reason we get that dump of estrogen postpartum both to heal the wet tissues if need be and to encourage the production of milk.
Dara: That's great that you're giving that range in that it sounds like it's, it's quite individualized that everyone is different and but the idea of seeing what the, the research that's limited that's out there and giving people that confidence that there is that range, I think is, is very reassuring. And I find this super interesting. I'm actually also very curious on, you know, what led you into the, to the book world? Like when were you first inspired to, to write a book and then to write a children's book?
Trystan: Yeah, well I think in both cases I was asked, you know, I'm someone who kind of thinks about life like I'm a surfer and like when I see a big wave coming, I just like get on the board, you know? And so when it came to writing the book, I had been asked to tell my story in partnership with The Moth, which is a storytelling nonprofit.
Rena: I loved Moth!
Trystan: Yes, me too. And so that was like definitely a bucket list item. And so when they came around being like, Hey, can we work with you to tell your story, your trans potency story on our main stage and go on national tour with us? I was like, yes! And from there, a literary agent, my literary agent now, Marsini, reached out to me and was like, Hey, do you wanna write a book? And I was like, I mean, sure! You know, initially I was really skeptical because I don't, I think of myself as a writer, but not an author. I write a lot. Before I left social media, you know, I used to write sort of like micro essays about parenting, pregnancy, all of the pieces. So I love writing, but I was like, I can't write a book, but also, so why not? Someone wants to give me money to write a book. I don't. That sounds fine. I'll do it. And so that's
Dara: That's very brave of you, that's not easy.
Trystan: Yeah. yeah, I mean it's, it's, I mean, I do not like failing, but also I'm not, I I I'm willing to fail. What's the worst that could happen, right? I write a crap book. Okay, so what? So, so yeah, that's how I ended up writing that book, How We Do Family. As someone with ADHD, I had to talk to a lot of amazing other authors about like, how do I manage to like sit down for three whole days and go think through the worst things that have ever happened to me and then tell that story in some kind of like a, a fun and accessible way. You know, like that's a challenge. But I did it and then the children's book, I got a text from my friend Bear that was like, Hey, can I call you? And I was like, sure. And he was like, well, I'm sure you know why I'm calling. I was like, I have no idea why you're a calling. And he's like, well, as you know, my partner and I run a feminist kids book Micro Press out of Canada and we wanna know if you wanna write a kid's book. And I was like, oh my God, yes, I would love to! And so my partner and I worked together and that's, that was really helpful because, you know, I do so many trainings and people are like, well, where, like, what can we have in our way waiting room for the big brother or big sister who wants to know about this? Honestly, when my kid, when my youngest was in first grade, he had told his classmates, I have two dads. And they're like, everyone has a mom. He's like, but I literally don't though. And the kids like didn't understand, didn't believe him. And so he was like, well, can I bring that book to school so that I can just like show the kids in my class how I have two dads? You know? So it even ended up being a useful tool in my personal life to have the book go out there and do the story, carry the burden of education so my kid doesn't have to, so I don't always have to. Yeah. So that's how both of those happened.
Dara: That's beautiful. Yeah, I was curious, I was curious if it came up through your family or, I love the idea that I was like, your friend was like, come on, we need a book. But how it also was really helpful for your little one. So it, it's, it's amazing how through your experiences you're giving back, you're giving back to, and you know, Rena and I, we love having guests on who really have taken their own life experiences, their challenges and use it to the positive to really help others in their wake.
Trystan: I think it's profoundly healing as well. You know, I think it's part of my meaning-making, like what was that all for? You know, to have the worst and most insidious messages and comments and things said about me and my body and my family. Like what was that all for? And if I can take that, I think it was Bell Hooks who said like, you have to like, take the crap life throws at you and use it as compost in your garden. You know? And so that was, that that's just been my way of making some kind of meaning out of a really harrowing and heartbreaking experience. It's really healing to take that and be like, oh yeah, watch, like watch what I do with the crap you threw at me. I'm gonna make something so pretty, like I'm gonna have the best garden! And I like to believe that's what I've done with my life and it's what I've tried to do for my community as well.
Rena: Yeah, I was gonna say, so what were you doing before this?
Trystan: I've always been in storytelling and education. So I, I come from the LGBTQ+ movement. I used to travel the country and teach local trans communities how to defeat anti-trans ballot measures. Like sometimes the city government will try to take away non-discrimination protections. Like they wanna make it so an employer can fire a trans person just for being trans, you know, like this stuff. It's, now, it's not as surprising 'cause there's been a resurgence of it, but I, that used to be my job is I worked with trans communities all over the country, mostly in the Midwest in the south, and places where there weren't a lot of existing resources. Teaching them how to tell their stories, teaching them how to recruit volunteers, teaching them how to raise money, teaching them how to build grassroots power in these communities where the perception is that they're powerless and that they could be bullied really easily. I was part of proving that that is not in fact the case and that we are an incredibly powerful and interconnected community and people love us and will stand with us when we're attacked. Hmm. So yeah, that's, that's where I come from and I've been working on inclusion in corporate systems and nonprofit systems for long, many, many, many, many, many years. So now I've just sort of like added the fertility and the pregnancy and, and other trans-specific pieces in and it's, if I could talk about trans fertility all day every day, that would be my dream job. I haven't exactly found a way to line that up yet, but
Dara: To be continued!
Trystan: To be continued, it's a segment of what I do now. It just happens to be my special interest.
Rena: It's your passion. Yeah. Well, I guess, and one more question, you know, specific to that, and you kind of touched upon it with the three sort of systems implementations in clinic, but any other barriers specific to trans fertility care that you think are important to talk about?
Trystan: Yeah, I think the things I talked about were external, you know, what are the, the things that we might encounter? I also think, you know, there are some internal barriers and that was, you know, just around like possibilities. And the reason I started doing any of the trans fertility work was be when my son, my youngest son was a baby maybe six months old. I was at a huge queer conference in DC something like, I don't know, 5 to 8,000 LGBTQ organizers from around the globe. And I was like in the lobby at a reception holding my little cute baby with his little face. And this very tall black trans woman comes up to me, I was like, can I hold your baby? And I was like, oh my God, of course, you know? And she like takes him and she's like, goo goo gaa-ing with him, you know? And she starts crying and I said, sister, what? What's going on? You know? And she said, well, I know who you are. I saw your story. I never knew a trans person could be a parent until I saw that and now it's too late for me. And I was like, oh no, you know, just a hole. My heart just cracked all the way open. And I thought, this is an incredible injustice. It's so important to be fighting for our lives, for jobs, for housing, and we have a right to self-determination. We have a right to know what our bodies are capable of doing. We have a right to envision a future for ourselves beyond surviving and into that realm of building our own empires of love and support, and that's what a family can be. And after hearing that story from her and feeling that loss and that grief, I just thought, oh my God, this is my work to do. And honestly, it sounds cosmic, but the, basically the next day I was offered a job as the director of Family Formation at Family Equality. And I was like, yep, yes. And they're like, okay, great. Well it's a hard job and you're the first one ever to do it. I was like, I'm already in, sign me up.
Dara: You manifested it. I feel like on that spot,
Trystan: What?
Dara: I feels like, it feels like you manifested that at that moment.
Trystan: It really felt like that really felt like her telling her story so bravely and so tenderly and so vulnerably with me, gave me everything I needed for this next phase of my life, which is to make sure that that never happens again. That no other person doesn't know what's possible for them and isn't given options before it's too late.
Rena: Yeah. That's amazing. You know, I think sort of how you took your story and your experience, you know, as Dara touched upon, as so many of our guests have done, you know, their experience with family building and what they felt needed to change and, and to give back, you know, to try and make it better for somebody else.
Trystan: Yeah.
Dara: It's empowering. I mean, I'm, I'm so really amazed with your story, with what you're doing with the books, with hopefully the next chapter, or not even the next chapter, the continuation of your story, I should say.
Trystan: It very much feels like a next chapter because of the like shocking and overwhelming and brutal attacks on trans people. And I've known it's coming particularly around fertility, particularly around trans youth. I've seen what's happened in the uk, I've done a lot of work in the UK over the last 10 years. I knew there was a wave coming, I just did, I truly did not know how brutal it was gonna be. It's more of a tsunami than a wave. And so yeah, it does feel like a next chapter, how are we in the trans movement doing any work right now? You know, how are we remaining hopeful and resilient? How are we pivoting? How are we adapting without losing our spirits? And I think that's a question that all of us are really grappling with right now and don't, don't have a perfect answer to yet, but we're in the process of developing it.
Rena: Yeah. So any sort of words of hope or wisdom or comfort for anyone listening and really struggling?
Trystan: I think anti-trans people are winning when we feel like we're not loved. And the reality is like there is a depth of love and care for and with trans people that I don't think we always know is there. We even see it in the data, you know, like one of my favorite studies around trans fertility comes out of BostonIVF, and we see this tiny subset where in the research it showed that there was some trans people who were doing IVF, you know, harvesting their eggs and either reimplant in themselves, they're pregnant or in a partner or you know, cryo preserving. And these trans people said to their doctors, I don't wanna have a menstrual cycle. And their doctor said, okay, I can rework the protocol so that we catch your ovulation before you menstruate and you can go back on hormones and never get a period that's not a protocol that anybody wrote down that is just a provider hearing a need and developing something new and creative and, and evidence-based and safe so that we could be cared for. To me, like sure, is it wonky data? Yeah. Is that love? Absolutely. If you don't have a love and a care for a community, you're like, yeah, too bad. But instead it's like, oh, that's gonna cause you harm. Let's do something else. Then we could, we could come up with something. And they did. And those, the rates of success in those cases were identical to anybody else's, you know? And so I think there are always those little, those, those little glimmers of light shining through if only we can remember to look for them. And so I think that's what I would say in and amongst all of what is happening, which is horrific and painful. There are people that are out there that we might never even know about who are in those rooms fighting for our lives.
Rena: That's, I think that's a really beautiful way to look at it.
Dara: Yeah. I, I so happy that you came on today to share your story. You're a breath of fresh air. You have such a beautiful energy about you and really so happy that our listeners had a chance to hear your story, had a chance to hear what you are doing for your community. And I, I hope to continue hearing what you are up to and we would love to have you back on in the future. If there's anything exciting and new that you would love to share and what's the best way for our community to find you?
Trystan: Yeah, well I'm not on social media as much anymore, it's just not been a safe place for trans people for several years, unfortunately. And that you have to protect my spirit as much as I can. But definitely they can go to tristan reese.com especially, you know, I love doing this work at the systems level. So like, I love conferences where I'm in front of like a lot of fertility people. Anything like that would really, really love to help make sure that more trans people like me are understood, are supported, are welcomed in those systems. And there's a lot of science around how to do that. And so yeah, tristan reese.com is the best way to find me. And I'm occasionally on socials, but I don't do it in any kind of like, you know, your website, organized
Dara: I hear you on that!
Rena: Thank you so much for taking the time to come on. This has really been fantastic and as Sarah said, you have a great energy.
Trystan: Thank you. Happy to do it.
Dara: So how we end our podcast is with words of gratitude. So throwing out you, Tristan, what are you grateful for at this very moment?
Trystan: I mean, I'm always grateful for my transestors who fought hard and won. I don't think that there would be the backlash that there is today if we hadn't built so much incredible power and made so many strides in the past decades. And certainly I wouldn't have been able to create this amazing little kid who's actually downstairs right now and who's gonna about to tell me that he's not a little kid anymore. I can, I just know he is, if he's listening and you know, so all those people that, that paved the road before me, just so, so, so grateful to them and so grateful for the trans people right now who are out there on the front lines fighting the good fight so that those of us who are just trying to keep afloat can keep afloat.
Rena: That's beautiful. Amazing. Dara, what about you?
Dara: Love the word transestor. Transestor’s brilliant. I'm gonna use that. I am grateful. I saw my, my family this weekend from Canada. They all came in for a family celebration and it's very rare that I have an opportunity to be with my, my whole family together. So for me that was really meaningful. Yeah. Something very special. So that's what I'm grateful for today. What about you?
Trystan: I heard your Canadian accent. I was like, oh, you're a Canadian. I'm Canadian. My, my family's
Dara: Yeah. What about you Rena?
Rena: I think I'm grateful for learning. You know, Trystan, I think it's really you, you taught me a lot today. You know, you always think that you okay, I know about this. And then, you know, just the opportunity to learn and grow and be open. There's always something new to learn. And so I'm super grateful for that and for you coming on and being able to share your wisdom from your community so that I can now take that into mine and be just a better practitioner and, and human and have increased knowledge. So I would say grateful for learning and continuing education.
Trystan: Wonderful. Happy to be a part of it.
Dara: Thank you so much.
Rena: Well, thank you so much.
Dara: Thank you so much for listening today. And always remember, practice gratitude, give a little love to someone else and yourself, and remember you are not alone. Find us on Instagram @fertility_forward and if you're looking for more support, visit us at www.rmany.com and tune in next week for more Fertility Forward.